Friday 22 August 2008

Do you speak Yiddish?


The Pope and the Rabbi had a religious debate but the only problem was they Pope spoke Italian and the Rabbi Jewish. They agreed that it would be a private, silent debate. The Pope raised three fingers and the Rabbi raised one. Then the Pope waved his finger around his head and the Rabbi pointed to the ground. After some thought the Pope brought out the Holy Communion wafers and a chalice of wine. the Rabbi took out an apple from his pocket and gave it a bite.

Later the Cardinals (not the American sports team!) met with the Pope to satisfy their curiousity about the discussion. The Pope explained his version of the silent debate as follows:

'It was very enlightening! I said we believe in The Holy Trinity and the old Jew said there is only one God! Then I told him that God was omnipresent, all around us and he said God is right here with us now. When I explained Holy Communion with him to tell him that Christ died to forgive our sins he clearly understood all that and took out an apple and gave it a bite to remind us of the original sin in the garden of Eden! We communicated so well it was amazing!'

The Jewish community enquired of the old Rabbi how the meeting with the Pope went. He made some rude signals with his hand and stuck three fingers in the air, so I warned him not to waste my time by pointing my finger at him. Then he told me to leave by waving his hand about his head and I said, I'm staying right here! I wasn't going anywhere until I found out what this meeting was about! After that he relaxed a bit and took out his lunch and I took out my lunch!

I really have no clue what the debate was about!'

Bruce Rudnick told me this story many years ago and recently a lady in the church reminded me of it. It's one of those classic tales that is hard to remember. It has to be told accurately or it looses its punch.

Today Bruce has changed his name to Baruch and he lives in Israel, near the Negev, the last I heard. We used to have great times together. He is a sculptor and an artist and a whole lot of fun - as Jewish people can be.

I just found out recently that my ancestry might have been Jews from Holland! Pelser is a well known Jewish family name in the Netherlands! No wonder I have always enjoyed Jewish humour so much! And I've always had Jewish friends wherever I lived. Maybe it is a natural attraction! After all, Jesus was a Jew too!

Paul writes in his epistles and says a true Jew is not necessarily one that is circumcised in the flesh but one who is circumcised in the heart, by turning to Christ Jesus for salvation and leaving the Jewish laws and ceremonies behind.

Anyway, here are two more Jewish jokes that Jonathan Rael told me: Abe and Hymie meet up in the street and Abe says: 'so Hymie, how is it that you don't ask me how's business?' Hymie replies, 'ok, Abe, so how's business?' and Abe responds, ' Ag. better you don't ask!'

A Jewish lady travelling in a train compartment sat opposite a young man who was reading a newspaper. She was a bit bored with the long journey and wanted to make some conversation.

Jewish lady: 'Young man, are you Jewish?'

Young man: 'Excuse me, Ma'am? No, I'm not Jewish!'

After a short pause she asks him the same question three times.

Eventually he explodes with agitation and firmly denies the association: 'Lady, I'm telling you, my mother is not Jewish, my father is not a Jew and I'm not Jewish at all, ok?'

The Jewish lady lets the matter rest for a while and then picks up the thread of the conversation again: 'Excuse me, young man, but are you sure you are not Jewish?'

In utter desperation the young man surrenders to her pressure and admits, 'ok, lady, I'm Jewish, ok?' He hopes that this is the end of the endless reparteee, but alas, the Jewish lady pulls his newspaper down and points her finger to his face and concludes, 'but you don't look Jewish!'

Thursday 21 August 2008

Time for Spring Cleaning


They call it Spring Cleaning. It's that time of year when the garden and the garage get cleaned up. Without trying we gather boxes of worthless goods and the garden develops its own undergrowth of weeds. We ask ourselves the same question every year: how did we manage to gather such a lot of rubbish! Trailer loads of stuff is carted away to the garbage dump and suddenly we seem to have a bit more space in the garage, things look a bit more organized and the garden has a fresh look about it. We even plant a few new plants to decorate and beautify the place. And then we tackle the office...our cupboards and our mail!
Life's like that. You stay busy with things and little unnoticed details creep into your life and eventually squeeze important things out of your schedule by demanding urgent attention. We tend to feel guilty about it and wonder why we allow it. But really. if we think about it honestly, none of us necessarily choose the unnoticed things.
I read a scripture in Proverbs that said, spiders are even in the palaces of kings! Think about that: how on earth did they get in? Who invited them in? Who opened the door or the crack in the wall? Did they jump on someone's clothes to carry them into the palace? Did the wind blow them in? Before you know it you have to have tall feather dusters to clean the corners of the ceiling from cobwebs!
They say that little foxes spoil the vine. The problem is that you cannot always spot the little foxes until they have caused some damage. Then you hunt them down. By the way, have you notices how the foxes are increasing in London since they banned the age old tradition of fox hunting? You see them everywhere, in the parks and in the streets, crossing the road into someone else's backyard to scavange the duts bins for some left over Macdonalds!
In the parable about the sower, Jesus explained how good soil produces the best harvest. He describes the problems with the other kinds of soils by saying the roadside allows the birds of the air to eat the seeds sown, the rocky soil has no depth and the plants wither in the heat of the sun, and thorns choke the soil that is not properly prepared for the sowing season. He goes on to describe the things he defines as thorns: being anxious about life, the deceitfulness of riches and the desire for other things creeping in. There we have it again, those creeping things! Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression according to King Solomon. So it is useless to try and treat depression, it is merely the fruit of all the things that make you anxious. We have to deal with the things that cause anxiety, one by one, and depression will disappear like mist before the sun!

Riches in itself cannot satisfy althoug it can make life much easier. But the love of money is the root of all evil. One cannot serve Mammon the money god and God, our Heavenly Father, at the same time. You either hate the one and love the other or vice versa. Mammon is a hard slave driver, but our Heavenly Father desires that we prosper and be in good health, even as our souls prosper. There is a balance in the divine order of things.

The most important Spring cleaning we have to do from time to time is in our thoughts and in our attitudes. Wrong thinking leads to wrong speaking and wrong actions. Paul the apostle tells us to renew our minds so that we may know the good, acceptable and perfect will of God for our lives. This we do by paying careful attention to the Word of God allowing it to address issues in our personal life that need to change - to remove the cobwebs in our hearts and minds. Things do creep in, sometimes creepy things!

Repentance is a wonderful way to Spring Clean our souls! The Greek word for repentance means to turn around one hundred and eighty degrees! About Face!- as they used to give orders in the army. (Yes, I did my stint in the army, for almost ten years, every year for about a month, in the Commando's! Just thought you might like to know!)

Asking God to forgive our sins, for Christ's sake, not because we deserve it, is a wonderful antedote for the spirit that needs Spring Cleaning! John the apostle wrote in his first epistle if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If all unrighteousness is dealt with all that is left is righteousness!

My father once picked up a Jewish man rushing to get to the synagogue.
'Why are you in such a hurry?'
'Today is an important day. It is the day of atonement. Today all our sins will be forgiven.'
My dad posed a difficult question: 'You don' t have to answer me, but what is your greatest sin?'
'It is easy to answer that: keeping my shop open on Saturdays which is the Sabbath!'
My dad thought about it and then said, 'tomorrow is Saturday. Will you open your shop again?'
The Jewish man hesitated and then raised his shoulders and opened his hands in a typical Jewish gesture: 'What can I do? Business is business!'

Spring Cleaning, comes once a year, in any race!

But it is good to be reminded that we have the opportunity to clean things out. It is fantastic to know that Jesus Christ died for our sins and that He is able to forgive them and also cleanse our consciences! What a privilege to have such a Friend! And to know Him and God who sent Him is the true definition of Eternal Life, according to Jesus' own description. To know Him is to have permanent Spring Cleaning going on in one's life! Wow!

Saturday 2 August 2008

Holiday in Cancun


The liquid turquoise water of the Atlantic... in the bay of Cancun...The picture is indelibly printed on our memory sticks! Never will we forget the warmth of the water, the 9 different hues of turquoise as your eyes scan the horizons! The waves lifted you up, ever so gently, and put you down again, with ease.
I took my family on a holiday of a life time. Unforgettable. Much needed. Full of surprises. Most relaxing. A bonding experience - the enjoyment will bond us together. Just say the words, Cancun, and we all swoon...under the spell of the Mayan Mediterranian holiday resort.
Nola loved it so much. She could live there. Yvette took all the pictures we need to prod our animated conversations about the holiday. Hilton remembers the day a life saver offered him his surf board to surf the waves: 'I surfed in Mexico, man!' Yve took the pic to prove it!
And the food! Exquisite cuisine, Mexican style, even for breakfast, spicy and fresh.
But when one returns from Paradise the real world hits you in the face: our home was broken into, all Nola's jewelry stolen! Bills needed to be paid - immediately! Attacks on you personally from family members that do not understand you. An old dispute about a third party car insurance payment that was never paid and now summoned to court! Book keeper wants to see you! Applications for next years studies! Computer malfunction when you need it most! An investment that you have to cancel due to certain complications! Plants died because they were not watered! Bird cage has not been cleaned for ages!
Then you close your eyes, my baby, and think of Cancun, a place where there is tranquility and rest and all the meals are included, all the drinks paid for, and all you have to concentrate on is enjoying yourself to the hilt!
Heaven on earth? Yea, for a while. But that is what holidays are meant to be. We decided that we would not talk shop or church or business or school or anything that would detract us from pure, unadulterated enjoyment! Our brains rested, our bodies were bronzed and our souls purged! We slept late, we hardly knew what was going on in the world - our cell phones were switched off and we did not watch the news, no news from our part of the world anyway - we did not know the rugby score, nor the cricket - everything was just Cancun, Mexico.
Yvette and I drove three hours by bus to get to Chichen Iza, the great monument of the Mayan Indians that is now the 8th Wonder of the World. Think about El Dorado, the cartoon, with Kennet Brannagh and Kevin Klines incredible voices, or the movie, The man who would be king, with Sean Connery and Michael Caine in the lead roles and you will know what I am referring to. The place of gold where they made human sacrifices. They played a strange ball game and the player of the match was sacrificed to their pagan gods. (On that day you tell your son, 'don't play so well, my son, let the other guy win!') It was interesting, yet horrifying to learn about these ancient cultures.
Nola and Hilton went horse riding on three estates and ate a scrumptuous meal outside under a grass umbrella. That night we swopped stories about our day - like we did every day.
What a day. Shall we ever forget it? Nor will we forget the other days. It was a treat to the senses and a rest for the spirit.
We came back refreshed - able to face the necessities, the routines, the challenges and lets call a spade a spade, the problems we had to face and we faced them one by one, by the grace of God!
Hilton was chosen for the provincial hockey team for Primary Schools and had to play a tournament in the first week! But he was so well rested, he scored all the goals for his team and helped them to win the tournament! Bravo! He did not ever practice anything during the holiday.
Sometimes all we need, is not more motivation, more energy drinks, more analysis, more guts - all we need is a fantastic holiday - a Cancun of our own somewhere, out there, away from it all, where we don't know anyone and where we can't speak the language and where all we have to do is rest and relax.
It is called a Sabbath's rest - even our Creator rested on the 7th day. We'll I'm sure he did it in Cancun!