Do you speak Yiddish?

The Pope and the Rabbi had a religious debate but the only problem was they Pope spoke Italian and the Rabbi Jewish. They agreed that it would be a private, silent debate. The Pope raised three fingers and the Rabbi raised one. Then the Pope waved his finger around his head and the Rabbi pointed to the ground. After some thought the Pope brought out the Holy Communion wafers and a chalice of wine. the Rabbi took out an apple from his pocket and gave it a bite.

Later the Cardinals (not the American sports team!) met with the Pope to satisfy their curiousity about the discussion. The Pope explained his version of the silent debate as follows:

'It was very enlightening! I said we believe in The Holy Trinity and the old Jew said there is only one God! Then I told him that God was omnipresent, all around us and he said God is right here with us now. When I explained Holy Communion with him to tell him that Christ died to forgive our sins he clearly understood all that and took out an apple and gave it a bite to remind us of the original sin in the garden of Eden! We communicated so well it was amazing!'

The Jewish community enquired of the old Rabbi how the meeting with the Pope went. He made some rude signals with his hand and stuck three fingers in the air, so I warned him not to waste my time by pointing my finger at him. Then he told me to leave by waving his hand about his head and I said, I'm staying right here! I wasn't going anywhere until I found out what this meeting was about! After that he relaxed a bit and took out his lunch and I took out my lunch!

I really have no clue what the debate was about!'

Bruce Rudnick told me this story many years ago and recently a lady in the church reminded me of it. It's one of those classic tales that is hard to remember. It has to be told accurately or it looses its punch.

Today Bruce has changed his name to Baruch and he lives in Israel, near the Negev, the last I heard. We used to have great times together. He is a sculptor and an artist and a whole lot of fun - as Jewish people can be.

I just found out recently that my ancestry might have been Jews from Holland! Pelser is a well known Jewish family name in the Netherlands! No wonder I have always enjoyed Jewish humour so much! And I've always had Jewish friends wherever I lived. Maybe it is a natural attraction! After all, Jesus was a Jew too!

Paul writes in his epistles and says a true Jew is not necessarily one that is circumcised in the flesh but one who is circumcised in the heart, by turning to Christ Jesus for salvation and leaving the Jewish laws and ceremonies behind.

Anyway, here are two more Jewish jokes that Jonathan Rael told me: Abe and Hymie meet up in the street and Abe says: 'so Hymie, how is it that you don't ask me how's business?' Hymie replies, 'ok, Abe, so how's business?' and Abe responds, ' Ag. better you don't ask!'

A Jewish lady travelling in a train compartment sat opposite a young man who was reading a newspaper. She was a bit bored with the long journey and wanted to make some conversation.

Jewish lady: 'Young man, are you Jewish?'

Young man: 'Excuse me, Ma'am? No, I'm not Jewish!'

After a short pause she asks him the same question three times.

Eventually he explodes with agitation and firmly denies the association: 'Lady, I'm telling you, my mother is not Jewish, my father is not a Jew and I'm not Jewish at all, ok?'

The Jewish lady lets the matter rest for a while and then picks up the thread of the conversation again: 'Excuse me, young man, but are you sure you are not Jewish?'

In utter desperation the young man surrenders to her pressure and admits, 'ok, lady, I'm Jewish, ok?' He hopes that this is the end of the endless reparteee, but alas, the Jewish lady pulls his newspaper down and points her finger to his face and concludes, 'but you don't look Jewish!'

Time for Spring Cleaning

They call it Spring Cleaning. It's that time of year when the garden and the garage get cleaned up. Without trying we gather boxes of worthless goods and the garden develops its own undergrowth of weeds. We ask ourselves the same question every year: how did we manage to gather such a lot of rubbish! Trailer loads of stuff is carted away to the garbage dump and suddenly we seem to have a bit more space in the garage, things look a bit more organized and the garden has a fresh look about it. We even plant a few new plants to decorate and beautify the place. And then we tackle the office...our cupboards and our mail!
Life's like that. You stay busy with things and little unnoticed details creep into your life and eventually squeeze important things out of your schedule by demanding urgent attention. We tend to feel guilty about it and wonder why we allow it. But really. if we think about it honestly, none of us necessarily choose the unnoticed things.
I read a scripture in Proverbs that said, spiders are even in the palaces of kings! Think about that: how on earth did they get in? Who invited them in? Who opened the door or the crack in the wall? Did they jump on someone's clothes to carry them into the palace? Did the wind blow them in? Before you know it you have to have tall feather dusters to clean the corners of the ceiling from cobwebs!
They say that little foxes spoil the vine. The problem is that you cannot always spot the little foxes until they have caused some damage. Then you hunt them down. By the way, have you notices how the foxes are increasing in London since they banned the age old tradition of fox hunting? You see them everywhere, in the parks and in the streets, crossing the road into someone else's backyard to scavange the duts bins for some left over Macdonalds!
In the parable about the sower, Jesus explained how good soil produces the best harvest. He describes the problems with the other kinds of soils by saying the roadside allows the birds of the air to eat the seeds sown, the rocky soil has no depth and the plants wither in the heat of the sun, and thorns choke the soil that is not properly prepared for the sowing season. He goes on to describe the things he defines as thorns: being anxious about life, the deceitfulness of riches and the desire for other things creeping in. There we have it again, those creeping things! Anxiety in the heart of man causes depression according to King Solomon. So it is useless to try and treat depression, it is merely the fruit of all the things that make you anxious. We have to deal with the things that cause anxiety, one by one, and depression will disappear like mist before the sun!

Riches in itself cannot satisfy althoug it can make life much easier. But the love of money is the root of all evil. One cannot serve Mammon the money god and God, our Heavenly Father, at the same time. You either hate the one and love the other or vice versa. Mammon is a hard slave driver, but our Heavenly Father desires that we prosper and be in good health, even as our souls prosper. There is a balance in the divine order of things.

The most important Spring cleaning we have to do from time to time is in our thoughts and in our attitudes. Wrong thinking leads to wrong speaking and wrong actions. Paul the apostle tells us to renew our minds so that we may know the good, acceptable and perfect will of God for our lives. This we do by paying careful attention to the Word of God allowing it to address issues in our personal life that need to change - to remove the cobwebs in our hearts and minds. Things do creep in, sometimes creepy things!

Repentance is a wonderful way to Spring Clean our souls! The Greek word for repentance means to turn around one hundred and eighty degrees! About Face!- as they used to give orders in the army. (Yes, I did my stint in the army, for almost ten years, every year for about a month, in the Commando's! Just thought you might like to know!)

Asking God to forgive our sins, for Christ's sake, not because we deserve it, is a wonderful antedote for the spirit that needs Spring Cleaning! John the apostle wrote in his first epistle if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If all unrighteousness is dealt with all that is left is righteousness!

My father once picked up a Jewish man rushing to get to the synagogue.
'Why are you in such a hurry?'
'Today is an important day. It is the day of atonement. Today all our sins will be forgiven.'
My dad posed a difficult question: 'You don' t have to answer me, but what is your greatest sin?'
'It is easy to answer that: keeping my shop open on Saturdays which is the Sabbath!'
My dad thought about it and then said, 'tomorrow is Saturday. Will you open your shop again?'
The Jewish man hesitated and then raised his shoulders and opened his hands in a typical Jewish gesture: 'What can I do? Business is business!'

Spring Cleaning, comes once a year, in any race!

But it is good to be reminded that we have the opportunity to clean things out. It is fantastic to know that Jesus Christ died for our sins and that He is able to forgive them and also cleanse our consciences! What a privilege to have such a Friend! And to know Him and God who sent Him is the true definition of Eternal Life, according to Jesus' own description. To know Him is to have permanent Spring Cleaning going on in one's life! Wow!

Holiday in Cancun

The liquid turquoise water of the Atlantic... in the bay of Cancun...The picture is indelibly printed on our memory sticks! Never will we forget the warmth of the water, the 9 different hues of turquoise as your eyes scan the horizons! The waves lifted you up, ever so gently, and put you down again, with ease.
I took my family on a holiday of a life time. Unforgettable. Much needed. Full of surprises. Most relaxing. A bonding experience - the enjoyment will bond us together. Just say the words, Cancun, and we all swoon...under the spell of the Mayan Mediterranian holiday resort.
Nola loved it so much. She could live there. Yvette took all the pictures we need to prod our animated conversations about the holiday. Hilton remembers the day a life saver offered him his surf board to surf the waves: 'I surfed in Mexico, man!' Yve took the pic to prove it!
And the food! Exquisite cuisine, Mexican style, even for breakfast, spicy and fresh.
But when one returns from Paradise the real world hits you in the face: our home was broken into, all Nola's jewelry stolen! Bills needed to be paid - immediately! Attacks on you personally from family members that do not understand you. An old dispute about a third party car insurance payment that was never paid and now summoned to court! Book keeper wants to see you! Applications for next years studies! Computer malfunction when you need it most! An investment that you have to cancel due to certain complications! Plants died because they were not watered! Bird cage has not been cleaned for ages!
Then you close your eyes, my baby, and think of Cancun, a place where there is tranquility and rest and all the meals are included, all the drinks paid for, and all you have to concentrate on is enjoying yourself to the hilt!
Heaven on earth? Yea, for a while. But that is what holidays are meant to be. We decided that we would not talk shop or church or business or school or anything that would detract us from pure, unadulterated enjoyment! Our brains rested, our bodies were bronzed and our souls purged! We slept late, we hardly knew what was going on in the world - our cell phones were switched off and we did not watch the news, no news from our part of the world anyway - we did not know the rugby score, nor the cricket - everything was just Cancun, Mexico.
Yvette and I drove three hours by bus to get to Chichen Iza, the great monument of the Mayan Indians that is now the 8th Wonder of the World. Think about El Dorado, the cartoon, with Kennet Brannagh and Kevin Klines incredible voices, or the movie, The man who would be king, with Sean Connery and Michael Caine in the lead roles and you will know what I am referring to. The place of gold where they made human sacrifices. They played a strange ball game and the player of the match was sacrificed to their pagan gods. (On that day you tell your son, 'don't play so well, my son, let the other guy win!') It was interesting, yet horrifying to learn about these ancient cultures.
Nola and Hilton went horse riding on three estates and ate a scrumptuous meal outside under a grass umbrella. That night we swopped stories about our day - like we did every day.
What a day. Shall we ever forget it? Nor will we forget the other days. It was a treat to the senses and a rest for the spirit.
We came back refreshed - able to face the necessities, the routines, the challenges and lets call a spade a spade, the problems we had to face and we faced them one by one, by the grace of God!
Hilton was chosen for the provincial hockey team for Primary Schools and had to play a tournament in the first week! But he was so well rested, he scored all the goals for his team and helped them to win the tournament! Bravo! He did not ever practice anything during the holiday.
Sometimes all we need, is not more motivation, more energy drinks, more analysis, more guts - all we need is a fantastic holiday - a Cancun of our own somewhere, out there, away from it all, where we don't know anyone and where we can't speak the language and where all we have to do is rest and relax.
It is called a Sabbath's rest - even our Creator rested on the 7th day. We'll I'm sure he did it in Cancun!

The Old Evangelist

A friend that has recently gone through a traumatic divorce in ministry wrote an email and told me about the secret of a great evangelist, Smith Wigglesworth, who had a heart of compassion: he said to someone, 'I am a broken hearted person: I miss my wife so much, but it keeps my heart soft towards God and people.'
Then I thought of a song my parents used to sing in church, 'He died of a broken heart for me'. As a kid the song had sad tones, but I did not have the savvy to grasp the intent.
I often got full marks for writing essays in Afrikaans. In fact, when the teacher wrote the topics on the board I used to write essays on all topics and often even suggest some topics to the teachers! I wrote note books full of essays, and sometimes when I read them to my willing mother, I used to cry while reading to her! Sentimental? Romantic? Perhaps, but I have learned that a soft heart can touch other hearts...
The Question is, how do I keep my heart soft? A hard heart is unbearable...to have and to live with. Bitterness of heart, unforgiveness, unbelief, hatred...all these things make a heart hard. Such a hard heart cannot produce a good crop. It spoils the seed of the word of God and when persecution comes for the word's sake it has no depth and the plant withers and dies in the heat of the sun...
Well, the seed of the word of Life can also be choked by the deceitfulness of riches, the anxieties of life and the desire for other things creeping into a heart. The good soil is the soul that is soft towards God, that understands, and it produces 30, 60 and 100 fold harvests!
That's from the parable of the sower.
Back to Smith Wigglesworth. He was a rasping bully of a man who treated his wife so badly that he often locked her out of the house because she went to church. When he woke up to get the daily newspaper and bottle of milk on the porch she would get up and greet him kindly. Her prayers and soft heart eventually broke his hard heart and he converted and became a preacher - a great preacher! He raised 22 people from the dead, apparently!
But his wife died not to long after that and obviously he missed her - he must have had memories of how he treated her! Obviously he wanted to make up for his foul behaviour and somehow he translated this into good deeds for others.
It was a known fact that he often wept when he asked people how their spouses or children were.
He had some things that softened his heart. He knew who he was and what he had done. He had received forgiveness, but the memory of the one who remained kind and patient with him, kept his heart soft throughout his lonely ministry years.
Don't we all have some things that could make our hearts soft? Or do we persist in having hard hearts? All of us have things that we wished we had not done, and things we hated when others did it to us. But we can turn these memories into our favour and let them soften instead of harden our hearts, by forgiveness. Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves...often!
How frail we mortals be!
But my friend shared his broken heartedness with me and I throught about it - if it softens our hearts, then a broken heart is a good thing...
Then again, Jesus is anointed to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free! But the memory of his kindness and patience towards us all makes me weep, at times, and keeps my heart soft! Patience and kindness are after all the first two qualities of divine love as defined in I Corinthians 13:4-9 (Its worth reading!)
So, what has broken your heart, my dear? What has caused you grief? Are you going to let it make you bitter and twisted and harden your heart or are you going to use it to soften your heart so that you can have compassion on others - like the old evangelist?
Those who sow in tears, shall reap in joy!
One day the Lord will wipe away our tears and say, 'well done, good and faithful servant, enter into the Joy of the Lord!' What a day that will be!

What a transporting moment of joy it will be
When we meet face to face
The One we have known heart to heart
All these years!

No arrests for emotional abuse

Parents who abuse their children emotionally cannot get caught or be imprisoned. Physical abuse is punishable by law, but what is worse? Physical pain that eventually recovers or emotional scars that stay forever?
My daughter Yvette wrote a play about emotional abuse and won a prize for the best script for drama. She also directed this physical theatre piece and won acclaim for it. When we went to watch it, I saw grown men weep in front of me - the one had tatoes on his muscular shoulders and wore a white vest. His head was shaven and he had a goatie beard. He was a really tough looking character, but his heart was deeply touched by what he saw on stage...
One amazing theatrical touch to portray the harshness of the mother towards her daughter was nothing short of brilliant, even though I say so! Instead of having water in a sink bath tub to wash the daughter they filled it with rice. Yes, rice! When the mother used the rice to scrub her daughter's body and rinse her curly hair, the effect was tangible in the audience...people squirmed in their seats, feeling the callousness of the woman who felt nothing for her own flesh and blood.
The play is simply called, 'And then she cried...' and the actress Liezl won the best actress award at AFDA in Observatory. A couple we invited also wept during the performance. It was too close to reality. The husband was treated like that by his mother.
How many homes are there where children are mistreated by parents? How many homes are not broken? How many parents are not divorced? How many homes have peace and joy? In how many homes is there constant fighting and swearing? How many children suffer under the hatred their parents have for each other? Where, oh where, is love?
The youth dilinquency problem is an indictment against parents. In Scotland more kids run away from home than anywhere else. I saw it on TV and read about it in the newspapers. When the police caught a girl that ran away from home they asked her why she did it?
'I don't want to be at home anymore. Any place is better than home. My parents always fight and hit me. I am always alone at home during the day. They are never there. When they come home they fight. I hate it. I want to go somewhere else.'
Where is home sweet home? Where is the Christian ideal of a family? Has the church failed to produce Christian homes in the world? Then the church's doctrine has obviously veered off the beaten track and adhered to the teachings of men, rather than the doctrine of God. Perhaps the church is to blame for the mess the homes are in. Perhaps the church needs to reform before we think of reforming the world.
Yvette wrote the play based on stories she heard about what my wife went through in her parent's home. She read up about emotional abuse and drew from her research as well and put it together in a play. I want to make a movie about it - no matter how painful it is, because the world needs to know...
Day by day, we meet young children with pain in their hearts because they have been emotionally abused by their parents...
And children are innocent, they are quick to forgive, they trust so easily - yet once they are broken they end up with diseases, physically and mentally and the shocks they had to live through spoil the rest of their lives...
Does God care about children? To them belong the kingdom of heaven. If anyone harms the least of them, they are touching the heart of God.
We need to train parents, educate parents....Crosby, Stills & Nash sing, 'Teach your children' and halfway through the song they change the line to, 'Teach your parents well, your father's hell will slowly go by...'
Today is a good day to bring about a change in our lives at home. Today is a good day to appreciate each other. Today is a good day to hug our children and tell them we love and appreciate them, no matter how well they perform at school or in sport or playing their instruments of music.
Schools have become so demanding that children hardly have time to be kids anymore...that is why they break out over weekends and do silly things...
Many African children are tired of all the funerals and endless church meetings they have to attend every weekend...they have no time for themselves anymore.
We have to stop this madness and call out for help for all the children suffering emotional abuse in their homes, in boarding schools and those who have no homes...just like rolling stones...
Bob Dylan sings, 'How does it feel to be without a home, in the great unknown...just like a rolling stone!'

Breaking the sound barrier

The brilliant movie The Right Stuff depicts the courage of pilots who pushed through the sound barrier with ill-equipped air craft that almost fell apart in their effort to fly at new speeds. There are unforgettable scenes of nerve wrecking, riveting excitement as men defy all odds to enter new dimensions of flight. This determination eventually led to space craft and put the first man on the moon!
Pushing the envelope has become common terminology once Hollywood got hold of it - because they only do it in movies! In the unreal world of the cinema anything is possible and the Sc-Fi movies prove that. Nobody believes what they are seeing anymore and the stunts of ordinary actors and actresses with invisible ropes and safety gadgets are no longer impressive to the cinema boffin who now knows that the flames and fires in movies are not real and nobody can really dodge bullets as in the Matrix - its all trick photography and the cameramen compete for the Oscar!
But there are still real men out there...there women...real people who are not 'pushing the envelope' but breaking through in whatever field they are involved it in order to bring new hope and blessing to a tired, worn-out world (Sting's phrase in 'The River Flows...down to the sea').
In order to push through in something you have to have True Grit (A John Wayne movie for which he won an Oscar!) and a fierce determination to succeed.
From an early age we learn to ride a bicycle...at first our conscious minds desperately try to master the two-wheeler and many falls and hurts later we find a way to balance and stay on top!
And voila! There you go - full speed ahead.
The same applies for driving a car - at first the nervousness of trying to concentrate on all the pedals and movements of changing gears and co-ordinating it all - a nightmare at first, but soon everyone is speaking with cell phones and driving at the same time with a CD playing in the back ground and then they still wave at friends passing by in the traffic! Amazing...
Pilots do it...first in simulators then in the real deal...the other day my plane wobbled when it tried to land in a terrifying head wind at Edinburgh airport and the wings almost hit the tarmac before the pilot had the presence of mind to take off again and circle...I prayed for the winds to cease...and they did. So together we (the Lord, the pilot and I) did a splendid job providing the safety of the passengers!
Then when I returned home, on the 6 O' Clock News, Nola and I saw a Lufthanza plane going through the same motion my plane experienced - only this time the wing hit the ground and the plane spun around and someone had a video camera handy to film it and sell it to the broadcasting station! The pilot made a U-turn and took the plane back on the runway to avoid overturning and crashing it! It takes a certain kind of steel nerve to be a pilot - with 300 lives in your hands!
When we were small (and Christmas trees were tall...B-Gees, remember?) we used to sing, Jesus Saviour, pilot me! Now I understand a bit better...
But it takes a plunge of faith for a mother and father to raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord in these days! It takes a holy fervour to live a sanctified life amongst all the perversion and corruption we face in the media every day.
It takes a church with schutzpah to reform from traditions to God's standards given in Paul's apostolic epistles.
It takes a lot of practice to be a good batsman or bowler. It takes a lot of practice to be a good musician that can flow prophetically when the Spirit moves...
But we have to push those boundaries back!
What are you facing that you can push further? Take courage and do it! God is with you!

Characters on the Tube

The characters on the tube that caught my attention did so, largely because I was sitting opposite them in the train and had nowhere else to fasten my attention except on the explanation of the Piccadilly line in London's underground system. The group I observed were a admixture of a cosmopolitan United Nations!
On the left we have the Iranese (Lebanese?) Mid-eastern mischle bound rough neck with a shaven head and bulging arm muscles, strong hands, large nose and thick lips...but fast asleep and harmless with his head leaning against the glass partition separating the compartment from the sliding doors. On the right hand side (and imagine these two prize fighters in a ring!) we have the well-dressed English businessman, thoroughly modern with suit and white shirt, but tie-less as the Europeans do! He stares straight ahead of him, into nothingness, as if no one else exists.
Next to him is a Turkish girl, poor but hopeful to make it in her new homeland, which is foreign to her. She takes out a little hand mirror and does her eye make-up as if now one is watching and admires herself by turning her head from side to side and pouting her lips.
Adjacent to her is a heavy metal freak with tatoos all over his body, sporting a bandana with black and white skulls. When he stepped into the train he chose to sit on that seat where the Daily Tube Newspaper was lying. Instead of picking it up he sat on it, probably to show his defiance against society as a whole. His face is flaky and his nose red and sore from all the nose rings matching his ear and lip rings. He looks like a display window in a pawn shop with all the rings on his dirty fingers with nails that are equally spoiled and black! His walkman blasts the music into his ears at such ear piercing volume that the rest of us have to endure the overflow of the noise!
Then, quite out of character, he opens his black sling bag (it has to be black!) and takes out...wait for it...a Time Magazine and reads it with great interest!
When he got up the Turkish girl grabbed the crumpled up newspaper, straightened it out and showed off her skill of reading a newly acquired language, but it is obviously not great because she paged quite rapidly through the newspaper.
The businessman next to her strayed and peeped at the headlines for a while, before correcting himself and looking straight ahead again. But it wasn't long until he strayed again and this time kept reading over her shoulder for longer spells, the two of them making a silent duet!
In the middle perched a wannabe model with matching high collared black coat, black slacks and black silk stockings, grandiose make up, matching rings and hair decorations, designer sling bag over the shoulder resting on her lap...but her shoes gave her away...brown hush puppies! This suggested that she had a long way to walk to work - which wasn't doing modelling at all!
Bleak House sat next to her. Well, meaning by that, of course, a dull looking up-town girl with no effort at all to do make-up except an eye-liner. You get the message: make-up takes so long to put on and you only have to take it all off again at night when you get home, so why bother in the first place?
The only other person that could fit on that line of seats was an Easter-European with a slit-eyed expression of a Russian Mafia mobster that never looked at anything or anyone. Perhaps he was on a life-threatening mission?
Then a thought occurred to me: 'And God loves them all!'
Who could love a muscle bound rough neck from the Middle East? God does.
Who could love a boring English gentleman? God does.
Who could love a wannabe model who will never make the grade? God does.
Who would love the working class girl with no make-up? God does.
And who would love a mobster from Eastern Europe? God does.
And the heavy metal freak? God loves him too!
So, if God could love all these characters on the Tube Train in London, he could surely love you and me as well? Just a thought for the day...